Leave
by PsychodelicS
Summary: Leave' is a collaboration fanfiction written by Iselin, Toni and Me. Non of us own LOST or its characters. They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC. The story takes place about a month after Sawyer, K
1. Chapter 1

By PsychodelicS (Ruby)

Darkness ruled over the island. It was night, and everybody was sleeping.

Everyone seemed to be so peacefull...or not?

Kates tent was maybe the darkest tent of them all. Yet anybody that would sit in it,

would see that she was not having a peacefull dream. She seemed anxious, scared even.

_A white flash. A noice, almost too much too bare. She tries to cover her ears, but she's tied up. She tries to scream, but there is something in the way, blocking her voice. _

_Suddenly the noice stops. She takes a minute too recover, then starts looking around._

_Jack. Sawyer. He's allright. Thank god. _

She feels someone pulling her up. Someone pushes her in the back, as a deep, rough voice yells "move!". They start moving. Into the jungle.

She suddenly seemed to have a shortage of breath. She opened her eyes. Light was squirming itself through the small openings in her tent. She sat straight and looked around.

Where was she?

She crawled up, scared that she might still be with the ones that had taken them, and moved towards the exit of her tent. The light was so bright her eyes hurt. She holded her breath.

"Freckles?"

A deep, rough voice, almost like the one in her dream.. only...not.

The voice had a sweet tone to it, concerned even. The voice was Sawyer's.

She shook her head, trying to wake herself up from her dream, and then looked around. She was at their camp. Thank god. Her eyes passed Sayid, who was talking to Steve. Or Scott.

Then her eyes met Claire's, who smiled at her, befor turning back to Aaron, who was in her arms, crying. She saw Charlie walking towards them.

"Are you ok?"

She turned to the voice. Sawyer looked worried, but, even worried looked good on him.

She breathed for a moment.

"I'm ok. I just had a dream. I'll be fine" she answered.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She smiled. She was touched that he was so worried about her.

"I'm sure." she said.

He smiled. 

"If you say so Freckles. I'm going for a swim. If you need anything I .."

She interrupted him. "I know." she said.

He smiled again, and then left, walking towards the ocean.

She looked at him, and she started sinking back into thoughts.

While she was in captivity, she had a lot of time to think.  
About her. About her and Jack. And about her and Sawyer.   
She thought about the choices Jack made. About the choices Sawyer made.  
And mostly, about the choices she had to make.

She realised that Jack would never understand her...and that Sawyer allready did.  
She knew that Jack and her had no futur.. and Sawyer and her did.  
Most of all, she realised, that she didn't love Jack.. and she did love Sawyer.

"What am I waiting for" she thought. "Get a grip of yourself, woman." she said to herself, soft enough so nobody would hear her.

She looked at the ocean and stared at it for a moment.

She breathed, trying to reassure herself, trying to stay calm.

"Here it goes." she said.

She started walking towards the ocean. As she arrived, she didn't see Sawyer anywhere.

"Sawyer!" she yelled.

"Freckles." she heared, right next to her ear. Along with a soft blow in her ear.

She shivered. But not a cold shiver, because she got all warm. She closed her eyes, breathed relieved, opened them again, and turned around.

"What's wrong?" Sawyer asked.

She looked down, bit her lip for a moment, then stood on her toes, and kissed him.

For as long as the kiss lasted, it seemed like the rest of the world had vanished.   
It was just him and her now, she tought.

It was just him and her now.


	2. Chapter 2

_By Iselin89 (Iselin)_

There was something about the sunrises.   
Ever since Kate was a little girl the sunrise had always given her a sense of peace and freedom. A new day. A new beginning.  
This certainly is a new beginning. It was just him and her now.  
He was hers she thought to herself and couldn't help but smile a little.   
When did that happen? When did he go from being just the first class southern pervert Sawyer to being _her_ Sawyer. She had no idea.  
In the end maybe there wasn't such a big difference between the two as people might think.

The camp was still asleep and the only sound she could hear was the waves chrashing into shore. She was hoping Sawyer would wake up soon.  
A part of her wondered how Sawyer would react when he saw her again.  
Would he smile and come running over to her?  
Would he to act as nothing special had happened?

"Hey Kate!" She quickly came out of her thoughts to see who had called for her. She could see Jack coming towards her.

_"What is he doing up this early?" _She thought.

"You okay?" he asked.

Kate couldn't help but feeling a little guilty.  
She realized that Jack couldn't know about last night. About her and Sawyer.  
What Kate wanted least of all was hurting the man who had come to mean so much to her over the months they had spend on the Island. He'd become an important part of Kate's life. He'd never hurt her, nor he didn't try to deny that he had feelings for her. It wasn't his fault Kate had fallen in love with someone else. I guess falling in love is something you have no control over.

_Darkness. Cold. She didn't even have to open here eyes to know that she was surrounded by darkness. There was no sound. She couldn't hear the wind in the trees. Or the crashing waves. Complete silence.  
How did she come to be here? And how long had she been here?  
The last thing she could remember was being pushed through the jungle. She hadn't seen anything but she could remember the feel of ground beneath her feet.   
She remembered hearing Sawyer yelling under the cover somewhere not far behind her.  
My god! Sawyer.. And Jack!  
A panic flushed through her as she suddenly opened her eyes and sat up.  
Only to find what she had feared; she was trapped in a small dark room.   
She was alone. _

Kate realized she still hadn't answered his question. Jack looked at her with worry in his eyes. "Yeah... I'm okay. Just.. Have a lot on my mind" she said with a soft smile.

"Still having trouble sleeping?" he asked.

Kate hadn't slept well since they got back from The Others.

"Sometimes." she said. She didn't want Jack to worry. "But it's getting easier."

"Good." he said and gave Kate a smile that made her feel even worse. 

"Listen, Jack... I need to tell you something."   
Better get it over with she told herself. "About me... and Sawyer."

Kate could see Jack thinking over her words for a second before looking over at Sawyers tent for a moment and finally resting his eyes on her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he already knew what she was gonna say.

"Oh..." was all he said.

He was hurt. She could easily tell.

"I feel like I owe you some sort of explanation."

"Kate. No you don't. I'm just worried about you."

"Worried?" In two seconds her voice went from soft to harsh.  
Like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. That didn't stop Jack from going on.

"He's bad news Kate. You know that. He cares first and foremost about himself. You'll end up getting hurt."

Kate had so much she wanted to say to this. She couldn't believe Jack would say that to her. Like she was a kid who needed to be protected from the harsh, cruel world.  
Also she couldn't believe that Jack thought he knew Sawyer better than she did.

"You don't know that." was all that came out.  
She mentally kicked herself as soon as the words were out.

Jack looked like he had something to say. Like he was struggling to keep it in. In stead of speaking right away he took a moment to look out to the ocean. The fact that Jack didn't say something to this worried Kate more than she would have expected it to. When he broke his gaze from the ocean he avoided her eyes and looked down on the sand on his shoes as he finally spoke.

"Maybe I don't. Just...be careful, okay?"

She didn't have a chase to respond before he turned his back on her and walked away. Kate was disappointed when he walked away. Mostly because she wanted to kick him. Or maybe at least have some good comebacks.  
_No, that's Sawyer, not me_ she reminded herself

In stead Kate was yet again standing alone on the beach.  
The waves yet again being the only thing breaking the silence.


	3. Chapter 3

By Antonia (Toni)

Kate loved staying on the beach.  
She could feel free and she had enough time to think about her, Sawyer… and Jack.  
She was in some kind of tunnel and it seemed like she wouldn't be able to find her way out soon.  
She was torn between her past and her future. Not between bad and good. Not anymore.  
Jack and Sawyer had changed a lot since they crashed on the island. 

Actually she was thinking about Sawyer but it was unavoidable not to think about Jack. Kate knew that she had to make her choice soon.  
Her heart was ready to choose but what about her mind? She felt like a soldier in the war of hearts and minds.  
And she didn't know which side she was fighting for.   
She knew what had to be done but she didn't know how to do it.   
For the first time in her life, Kate had nowhere to go, she couldn't run.

Engrossed in those thoughts she failed to notice that the day had already come.  
Almost everyone on the island was awake although it was early in the morning. Kate wasn't an exception. She took a look along the beach as she was looking for somebody. After she couldn't find what she was looking for she started walking towards the beach.  
Kate was looking for Sawyer.

No sooner had she reached his tent and she suddenly stopped.  
"Okay, what am I doing here?" -she asked herself and she got that desperate look in her eyes. "This time I don't have a magazine with me and I don't need a gun." he said that and her face broadened out into a grin. She was shaking her head as she wanted to get rid of all her thoughts.  
'Maybe I'd better go. He is probably still sleeping?'-she said and she made one or two steps back.

'Or maybe I'm not!'-said Sawyer with no doubt while coming out of his tent.  
Those words made Kate feel more confident.  
'Oh, you are…you are awake?'  
'Yes, I am, so is everybody else!'  
She smiled.

'Something tells me you couldn't get to sleep either.'  
He said, and he looked at Kate as he was able to read her mind.  
Sawyer knew why she wasn't able to sleep the previous night.  
'Look, about what happened last night…'

'Kate!'

She couldn't finish her sentence because Jack interrupted her.  
'Jack?'-she said with a reprehensible look in her eyes.  
Sawyer said nothing.  
'Kate, I want to talk to you.'

She was amazed. After everything he told her only an hour ago. Now he wanted to talk to her. She thought that everything had already been told.  
'Jack… maybe later. I can't talk to you right now.'  
'Oh…!'-that was the only word that came out of his mouth.  
He didn't expect that.  
She had just hurt his feelings…again. Jack looked at Sawyer but he couldn't meet his gaze.

'Does this mean that she has already made up her mind?' –Jack asked himself with some hesitation.

Their nerves were strung up to the highest pitch. They found the silence depressing. They all knew that one of them was unwanted.

One of them had to leave…


	4. Chapter 4

By PsychodelicS (Ruby)

Sawyer opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was light. A lot of light. And noice. And Kate, he remembered Kate too. She was tied up, gagged, right next to him. Her eyes were filled with so many things. Fear. Hate. Love?

They had walked a long time, him, Jack and Kate. Right through the jungle. He had heared a lot of voices, but non of them he knew. Then everything suddenly got blurry.

He was in a small, dark room now. Alone. "Damned Freckles, where are you?" he thought.

Where was she? And.. where was he? He looked around. There was nothing. Walls. Floor. Ceiling. That was all.

Suddenly there was light and soon everything turned black again.

"Sawyer?"

Kates voice shook him out of his thoughts. He looked around to see Jack standing with them.

Then he remembered. That tension hanging in the air. He wanted to talk to her.

"What?" he asked rather harshly – confused by all his thoughts.

"Could I have a minute with Jack?" she asked – apparently for the second time now.

He looked at her, feeling worried about what Jack was going to say, then looked at Jack, threathening. One look can say so much. "Keep your hands of her" "Don't try anything." "I'm watching you.".

"Fine." he said, and walked away.

Kate sighted, while her eyes followed him, all the way back to his tent.

When he entered the tent she turned to Jack and said: "What is it?".

He could feel Sawyers eyes on him. He felt uncomfortable. He felt threathened.

"Maybe we should talk somewhere else." he said.

"Here is fine Jack." Kate answered. "Just tell me what it is.".

"Ok fine. I'm just..worried." he said.

"Worried? Jack we've been trough this." she said harshly.

"I know but, you mean a lot to me Kate and.."

Kate interupted him, sounding angry and confused "And you think Sawyer will do me harm? He loves me Jack. He's not going to hurt me." Kate said.

Jack loved Kate too. Or atleast, he thought he did. But then again, he thought he really loved Sarah too. And maybe he did, but maybe she was just another person to fix. But then again, maybe Kate needed to be fixed – he thought.

He didn't want to see Kate get hurt – that was sure – and he knew that Sawyer did something befor, that could hurt her.

"He.." Jack said.

Kate looked at him, awaiting his answer.

"He what?" she asked.

"Nevermind."

"No Jack. He what!" she asked again, this time louder.

"He slept with Ana-Lucia." Jack said loudly – almost yelling.

He looked at Sawyers tent. Nothing happened.

Then he turned back to Kate.

Kates eyes were filled with tears, but she refused to cry.

She wasn't sure what she was feeling. She was angry. Confused. Sad. Jealous!

"I'm sorry." Jack said. He turned around, and walked away.

Everything turned blurry in front of Kates eyes. She couldn't think clearly. All she heared was Jack saying that sentence. Over, and over again. "He slept with Ana-Lucia."

She walked back into her tent.

Suddenly her knees started feeling week.

She fell through them, and just sat there.

Suddenly something inside her snapped, and she started crying.

"He slept with Ana-Lucia."


	5. Chapter 5

By Iselin89 (Iselin)

Even though it was the middle of the day Kate felt like it was darker than most days. The sky felt grayer than usual and the wind blowing in the trees sounded melancholic in Kate's ears.

She had cried. She'd cried her heart out. A mixture of anger, regret and jealousy had come over her with Jack's revelation. She felt like Sawyer had betrayed her in some way. This was what scared her the most. The fact that she had no real reason to be mad at him. He hadn't betrayed her. _But he didn't tell me_, she thought while changing her direction and walked to the left without even thinking about it.

After her breakdown she'd got out of her tent and walked into the jungle. Her eyes still wet with tears. She was still walking. Not paying attention to where she was headed or if she'd find her way back again. She needed to get away. To be alone. _She needed to run._

Kate stopped suddenly. She had to catch her breath. She didn't know for how long she'd been walking now. It must have been hours, she thought to herself. She knew she should be heading back. _Sawyer is probably worried about me..._

"Hey Freckles!" ..._Or maybe he's come looking for me_.

"What happened to you?" He came up behind her. "I'm gone for like 30 minutes and when I come back you're nowhere to be found!"

"Sorry... I just needed some time alone. To think."

"About me I hope?" He said and Kate could feel his grin even with her back turned to him.

It started raining. All was suddenly darker and the sky cried down at them and making them soaked to the bone in just a few seconds.

She was afraid of having another breakdown if she looked at him. "About you and Ana Lucia actually."

The raindrops hitting the ground was all that could be heard. Sawyer didn't answer.

Kate wanted to see how he reacted to her words and turned around to find, for probably the first time since they met, that Sawyer had no response to her words.

"What? You thought you could keep it a secret forever?" She continued while holding back her tears.

"Well... Yeah." He said a little annoyed. "Don't see any reason why I should have told you anyway."

Kate couldn't believe him. He wasn't even gonna say he was sorry? "I trusted you Sawyer! I gave you my heart and you _lied_ to me.And here you are acting like it's no big deal." She was shouting at him.

She could see that he was torn between her need to hear he was sorry and his pride.

"Hell Freckles what do you want from me? You want me to say I'm sorry? Well I'm _not_ sorry! And if you think about it this is all your fault really!"

"You wanna put this on _me_?"

"Well it never would have happened if you hadn't been out all night with Doctor Cinderella, and for all I knew, doing the exact same thing!" Sawyer could see it in Kate's eyes that she realized something in that moment. She looked down to the ground. He was afraid she was gonna cry for a few seconds. But to his suprise Kate did the exact opposite. She laughed. They were having a serious fight in the middle of the freakin' jungle in the pouring rain and the thing Kate did was _laugh_.

"Well I'm glad you're having fun Freckles."

Kate took a few moments to calm herself before responding. "You know I hate you for this, right?" She said with a smile on her face. Sawyer couldn't help but smile at her. Had she any idea of how beautiful she was when she smiled? In that moment he realized he'd never layed eyes on something so beautiful before.

He took a step towards her. Their faces inches apart. "I know" he whispered before putting his lips on hers.

Kate felt the urge to push him away at first. She wanted him to suffer for hurting her like that. But when she felt his lips on hers she gave up, knowing it was pointless. She _wanted_ this too much.

Kate placed her hands on the back of his neck as Sawyer stroke his hands down her arms to rest on her hips, drawing her as close to him as possible still kissing her hard and passionate. Both of them placing all their emotions into the kiss. Both holding on to each other like they would fall if they let go.

_Being trapped was Kate's worst fear. The feeling of not being able to move anywhere. Now here she was. Four stone walls and a metal door was all that surrounded her. Yet she realized that it wasn't what she thought most about now. She was scared for Sawyer and Jack. It felt like she'd been there for days now. Maybe it was just a matter of hours. Were the others allright? Were they also trapped like herself? Suddenly the door was slammed open and a sharp light from outside blinded Kate for a moment._

_"Morning sunshine." Kate recognized the voice. It was the beard guy. Tom. "Now I have some good news and some bad news about your friends..."_

_"Where are they?" Kate asked. Her voice was weak, barely beyond whispers._

_"Well, the good news is your friend Jack is allright. The bad news is James, or 'Sawyer' as you call him, is not."_


	6. Chapter 6

_by Antonia (Toni)_

_Kate was stunned with horror. She was glad to hear that Jack was okay but what about Sawyer? She felt so weak. Kate wanted to say something but she couldn't. She wanted to hit him but she knew it would be useless. She wanted to run away but there was no exit._

_Everybody thought that she didn't care about nothing or nobody but herself. They were wrong. She had never been so worried about anybody in her life. _

"_You don't seem to be happy about your friend at all! " _

_Tom looked at her and smiled ironically._

_Kate was angry but she also felt twinges of guilt._

"_How is he? " –she asked._

"_Jack is okay. Well he couldn't get to sleep the previous night but he is doing fine! "_

"_Not him! How is Sawyer? "-Kate said with no doubt._

_She felt guilty and she hung down her head with shame._

While kissing Sawyer she felt guilty, too.

Kate was disappointed with Sawyer but she still loved him. She suddenly pulled her head back. Kate was looking at him and couldn't say anything.

She was confused. She wanted to stay but that was impossible.

He had to say only one word and maybe she would have been willing to stay. He didn't. She wouldn't let anybody swallow her pride.

_Kate knew that she had to leave…_

She started walking slowly but confidently.

Kate had at least 100 reasons to hate Sawyer but in defiance of everything she loved him. It seemed like he hadn't figured that out yet.

She was on the brink of tears. She felt hurt but most of all she felt alone.

Sawyer didn't say anything to stop her. Maybe one "sorry" would have made her stay but "sorry" didn't suit him. And they both knew it. That was Sawyer' s way to admit he had done wrong.

He looked around. It wasn't raining anymore. Sawyer started walking towards the beach.

"Okay! Let's get this straight!"- Sawyer said to himself. He was angry and annoyed.

He wanted to find Jack as soon as possible. It didn't take him a lot of time to find the one he was looking for.

Jack had come into notice since they successfully managed to escape from the Others.

Sawyer found him talking to some people. Sawyer reached him and explained that he wanted to talk to him.

Jack wasn't surprised.

"You can really keep a secret! Came by to thank you! "–said Sawyer with some irony though he was furious.

"Look, I had to tell her!"

Jack was unsuccessfully trying to find an excuse.

"Yeah, you're the hero, you can't lie. Well if you can't keep a secret maybe you also told Kate that I love her! "

Sawyer felt like he was about to win that fight.

Jack was standing there speechless.

"No, I' m probably crazy…He was unconscious when he told me that. Where did he find out about it?"

Jack was getting very nervous.

"Oh, right. You just figured out I haven't told you that yet. Well, let's make it clear- I love her. I think you'd better know it!"

Sawyer made Jack feel really uncomfortable.

He could almost taste it. He was really about to win that fight and he managed to do it.

Jack looked at Sawyer scornfully.

Sawyer didn't pay attention to him. He was supposed to be defeated. He wasn't.

_He was the winner. _


	7. Chapter 7

_by PsychodelicS (Ruby)_

His head felt like exploding. It was like every little sound put pressure on his head.

What if I lost her? What if I don't get a second chance? He brought his hands to his head and yelled – hoping to drive the pain away. But it stayed. He knew it wouldn't go away, untill the pain in his heart stopped too.

The last thing Sawyer could remember, was darkness, followed by light and a sharp pain in the back of his head. He tried to open his eyes, but somehow things remained dark.

"So you decided to join us again?" he heared someone say. Zeke. Or Tom, as that woman called him. He knew it was him. He remembered his voice. He remembered the vibe he got when he was around him. He reminded him of someone, but he couldn't quit put his finger to it.

"Where is she!" Sawyer tried to scream. He realised all they heared was murmering.

Suddenly there was light again, and he repeated. "Where is she!".

"Oh Kate? She's fine. So is our good ol' doctor." he replied.

"You didn't answer my question" Sawyer said – hate in his eyes. "Where is she."

"She's around" Tom said, reaching to Sawyer to put the sack – which he apparently had over his head befor – back on.

In a fraction of a second, Sawyer reacted and moved forward. He bit Tom in his hand.

Tom yelled, took a step back and took a gun.

Next thing, he shot Sawyer, with the same gun the others had used to capture them befor. Sawyer started moving uncontrolable, then couldn't move at all. He heared voices around him – faint, like an echo. Next thing he knew he got lifted up and thrown into some kind of hole. His back hit the floor, which was hard and cold, and for a moment it felt like every bone in his body was broken. Then everything got black again.

He looked at the sand. He knew it was still warm from the sun, even though it had set about an hour ago. Why did it feel cold?

He looked around to see if she was around. She wasn't. So he started walking into the jungle.

Finally he found her – the waterfall. "Kate.." he said.

Kate turned around, as if she was interrupted by his voice.

"What are you doing here Sawyer?" she asked.

"Look Kate. Just listen to me ok." he said.

She looked at him – not saying a word – looking frustrated, frightened of what Sawyer wanted to say.

"I don't know why I did it. I can't say I'm sorry. And even if I did say it – what difference would it make, right." he continiued.

"It would –"

Sawyer interrupted her – again. "Kate."

She looked down, pushed her tongue against the side of her teeth, to keep her from continuing.

"Nomather what I say – It happened. There's nothing I can do to turn it back. It happened, and I let it happen. So if you want to be mad at me, that's fine." he said.

He looked at her for a moment, doubted, and continiued. "You know what? It's not fine. I know I betrayed your trust Kate – but for all I know you and the doc did get friendly in that net back then. For all I know – "

"My heart was with you Sawyer. It was there the whole time. I care for Jack. But I love you. You even had me thinking for a while that you felt the same way, but then you go around pulling a stunt like this. Guess I was wrong after all."

She stood up, looked at him – angry, and walked away.

"I love you too." Sawyer whispered. If only I could say that to you.


	8. Chapter 8

_by Iselin_

It's funny how the people you care most about is the ones that can hurt you the most. Also, how the ones you love are the ones that you trust no matter what. You can't really hate a person as much as if it's a person you love.  
Kate felt like her head was spinning. The whole world seemed unreal in some way. Like it was just a dream. She was walking, still she couldn't feel her feet. She was numb.

Ana had slept with Sawyer. She'd touched him in places Kate never had. She had gotten to feel his bare chest next to hers. His lipps on hers. Jealousy and anger filled her.  
Kate knew it was selfish but she felt like Ana had taken something of hers. Sawyer belonged to her. His smile was only for her to see. His body only for her to touch. His lipps only for hers. Sawyer was Kate's in the same way Kate was Sawyer's. His Freckles.

She was at the beach. Everything was so quiet. She was sitting near the water letting the waves crash over her feet as they came into shore. She couldn't even hear the crashing waves. It was like someone had pushed the 'off' button of every sound on the island. It was a good feeling. She felt all alone. Maybe in the end being alone is the best, she thought bitterly. No one can hurt you if you're alone.

_She was waken by a hard, loud sound of scraping metal. A light came from the outside as she could see that man, Tom, coming into the cell. Tom was having a dragging something into the cell. A man.  
"I'm sorry to bother you Kate but we seem to have a little trouble making room for all of your other friends. I hope you don't mind sharing with this cowboy." Kate panicked as she saw Sawyer's bloody face. She tried to run over to him but the chains around her wrists held her back and she was thrown back in the wall behind her. His limp body was placed right by the door.  
"I understand you two know each other?" Tom said to Kate with a smile as he turned around and left. Closing the door behind him in a fast motion.  
Kate tried to hold back her tears. It was no use. "Sawyer..." she whispered as the first tears ran down her freckled cheeks. _

It The air wasn't cold but still Kate couldn't feel the warmth.  
Maybe he's right. Sorry doesn't really make any difference. It still happened. Kate realized suddenly that it could never really be the same. She couldn't see Sawyer the same way again. She still loved him. But the trust... She had thought of Sawyer as someone who would never hurt her. She didn't anymore.

She realized she'd been sitting in the same spot for hours now. Completely still. Still something had changed in that time. Somewhere deep inside her she realized she'd already forgiven Sawyer. And that made her angry beyond words.  
Her heart had already forgiven him. Her mind was angry with her heart. It was like a hard and painful fight going on inside her. Her heart saying she had to be with Sawyer. Sawyer was her reason for living. Her mind fighting against her saying she can't allow herself to be a fool for love. If you give into this you'll only end up loosing yourself.

Water on one side. Fire on the other side. Kate was in the middle of it. She was fighting to keep herself away from the flames and still she feared drowning if she tried to walk away from them. She could see the blue sky above her. She felt like if she tried to reach out she could touch it. Her hand was about to tuoch the sky when her hand was grabbed by someone. Jack. He tried to drag her away from the fire and Kate realized why. Sawyer. He was standing there covered in flames. He reached out his hand as an invitation for her to join him. She tried to fight against Jack's grip but she couldn't. A part of her wanted to get away from the flames. The part that wanted to go to Sawyer was too weak to fight alone. Sawyer was calling her name. Kate was crying. She couldn't seem to go back for him. Silence. Then her body dropped through the magic floor that kept her over the water. She was sinking. Deeper and deeper.

Kate woke up with a tremble. She was in her tent. It was still dark outside. Still recovering from the dream Kate made a choice. She knew what she had to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Kate wasn't the only one who couldn't get to sleep that night. She didn't know that yet.

Nightmares, guilt and anger were the words that could best describe the last eight hours for Sawyer. He had never thought he could feel that way. Sawyer had done so many bad things in his life that he had learned not to feel sorry for anybody. Or at least he couldn't say those words. From his point of view they were useless.

And he was right. Would it hurt less? Could those words change anything? Were we allowed to think that we deserved forgiveness only because we had said "I am sorry! " Negative.

He wanted to talk to her, wanted to say something, anything. Sawyer knew what she would tell him. At that moment he could see himself through her eyes. He could feel all the pain inside her heart.

Sawyer was trying to find an excuse. He couldn't say that he wasn't responsible because he was. Sawyer could imagine the whole conversation. No answers for No questions asked. It would be that.

He wished he had said something. But he hadn't. Although he had passed Kate's words over in silence, Sawyer actually wanted to say that he loved her.

So many things were left unspoken because he didn't want to hurt her anymore. He didn't want to make the same mistake again. Sawyer wanted to tell Kate that he couldn't live without her but he wasn't strong enough to admit that.

If only he could turn back Time…there was no use. He couldn't change anything.

On the other hand Kate wasn't even his girlfriend. A friend - yes but still not a girlfriend. After he couldn't find an appropriate excuse he tried to wash his hands.

Sawyer had never asked Kate about Jack. He repeated that name.

Jack…that guy…he and his need always to be honest…

Sawyer failed to recognize the enemy within. Or was that on purpose?

Sawyer was angry. Most of all because he knew that jack would take advantage of the situation.

Time had stopped for Sawyer. He realized that he could only blame himself.

He just wanted to know the answer of one question: 'Does she still love me?"

He decided to fall away from Kate for a while. The reason- he was only making one step forward and two steps back.

When you really love something you should let it go. If it comes back you can keep it forever. If it doesn't come back - it has never been yours.

Was Sawyer ready to do that? Was Kate able to swallow her pride?

No answers for No questions asked.


	10. Chapter 10

_By PsychodelicS (Ruby)_

_--------------------------------------_

Looking around into the endless darkness, she shivvered.

There was nothing, exept herself and her feelings. Even though she made the decision a while ago now, her heart still didn't agree with what she was about to do.

He closed his eyes and breathed in the cold air.

There was nothing, exept himself and his feelings. Even though he made the decision a while ago now, his heart still didn't agree with what he was about to do.

As she was still stairing into the darkness, Kate started to move towards the beach. She had no idea of where he was so she just followed her intuïtion. As she arrived she saw Sawyer standing with his back towards the jungle – staring into the ocean.

He opened his eyes and felt a painfull vibe. As if he was about to end a life.

He turned around, and looking at her expression, he realised he somehow was ending a life.

Their life together.

She glanced down at the beach – trying to turn all of her emotions off, aldo she knew it was impossible for her to do at this point. Looking back up, she saw something in his eyes that she had never seen befor.

He looked at her, piercing her soul with his eyes. Burning his mark into her heart once again.

With a trembling voice – as if it was almost unnatural for him – he finally whispered:

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes changed – for a moment it seemed like her heart was taking over. Kiss him damned, it screamed. But her mind overwhelmed her almost right away and she knew there was no turning back from this point. He seemed to know it too.

"That doesn't change anything." she said.

"I know."

It was quiet for a while. They had somehow managed to turn back around, both facing the ocean this time. Kate looked down, and realised she was sinking. It was almost irronical how appropriate that was. She stood there..sinking. Sinking into the sand, and into her sorrow.

She moved her feet, lifting them out of the wet sand and taking a step backwards.

"I think we should.."

Sawyer seemed to know exactly what she was about to say.

"Yea." he said.

"I want you to know that.." her voice started shaking. She was on the verge of tears.

"Don't Freckles." he said "don't say it."

"Why?" she asked – suprised, shocked almost.

He looked into the ocean once again. The sound of the waves seemed to calm him, even if it was only for a second. Then he turned to her and gently brushed his hand over her hair.

"It'll only make it harder" he said.

He leaned in and placed his lips on hers. For a second they forgot what they just did.

It seemed like everything was perfect. Then the moment was over.

She looked down once again, seeing that no mather how hard she tried to avoid it, she was still sinking. She looked at him one last time, then turned around and walked into the jungle,

a tear rolling over her cheeks.

He followed her untill she dissapeared into the darkness.

_He watched her leave. _


	11. Chapter 11

_By Iselin_

_The hardest way to miss someone is standing right beside them and knowing it can never be. _

Sawyer had heard that quote sometime in his past. He couldn't recall who said it or where he had heard it. But somehow the words came to him from the back of his mind as he tried to focus on the book he was reading. He had been reading the same three lines now for ten minutes.

_Maybe it was something from a movie he'd seen? One of those sappy love movies?_

He tried focusing on the book again. The words still didn't stick with him.

_What difference does it make anyway?_

He gave up, throwing the book to his side cursing out loud.

"Ouch!" he heard someone to his left say and turned around to realize he'd thrown the book right at hurley who was coming towards him. 

"Dude... Whatever you're mad about... I promise it's not the books fault. Or mine." he said as he sat down beside Sawyer in the sand.

"Oh yeah Hoss? And how can you be so sure about that?" Sawyer said and couldn't help but feeling like his words came out more sad than angry. And it pissed him off.

"Cause I'm really super smart..." Hurley tried, "...and cause I saw Kate crying in the jungle an hour ago.

Sawyer felt like someone had twisted the knife in his heart. He felt like punching something. _Or someone_ he thought and resisted the urge, deciding to himself that getting into a fight with Mutton Chop maybe wasn't the best idea. Besides... Hurley wasn't the bad guy here. 

"And you think that has something to do with me?"

"Dude... You're not fooling anyone." Hurley said in a matter-of-factly way.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Sawyer said, more interested than he had thought he would be.

"You've fallen for that girl dude. You've fallen big time. So what I don't get is why she's alone in the jungle while you're here being mad at a novel in stead of being with the girl you love. If you love each other isn't that where you two should be? Together?"

Sawyer didn't answer him. _Damn him_, Sawyer thought. _Coming here thinking he knows everything. _

He stared out into the ocean. Hurley did the same. 

"Maybe sometimes... Being together brings only pain. Maybe being alone is better in the long run." Sawyer said silently.

Hurley got up and reached out the book for Sawyer to take it back. Sawyer took it.

"Whatever you say dude. I just got the feeling that maybe neither one of you was really happy right now. But maybe it's just me?" Hurley said smiling a little to Sawyer and turned to walk away.

"Hey!" Sawyer yelled after him.

"Yeah?"

"Where... Where did you see her?"

Hurley pointed to one of the less used paths into the jungle.

"Thanx..." Sawyer said as Hurley once again turned to walk away.

Sawyer looked at his book. Unsure on what to do next. Continuing reading the same lines over and over again, never getting anywhere? Or going after her? Putting his heart out there to be broken again.

_Was it his heart he was afraid of breaking? Or hers?_


End file.
